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Category: The Blessed Home

Words of Life

January, 2000

It often seems like the end of the day finds me full of resentment and despairing of my parenting skills, and our home seems full of disarray and hurt feelings. This is not necessarily due to disobedient children as much as it is to constant bickering and whining between my kids. What can be done about this from a Torah perspective?

To begin, let us call to mind the truths found in two of the articles in this issue: "The Power of Speech" and "The Tasteless Trap"—both writers emphasize the importance of our words and the contents of our speech. We are admonished to "Seek peace and pursue it" (I Peter 3:11). What better place to begin than in the home with the young and impressionable lives that He has entrusted to us.

No child can enjoy or benefit from a constant ‘state of war’ in the home! Peace in the home begins with the parents, therefore the necessary starting point is to examine your witness and example before your children. It is too easy to present ‘negativity’ about our days, jobs, finances, etc. before our children. Matthew 12:36 provides a stern word against not controlling our speech. "For every idle word that men speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgement." No amount of negative criticism about our bosses, friends, or co-workers, will help a situation—it will only add to the tension and distrust.

Parents are the first images of love that are imprinted in a child’s mind. This is good if loving words of life flow from the parents, but disastrous if they use their words improperly. Children learn through mimicking that which they observe, and are therefore imitators of the adults in their lives. Thus the question is, what can we do to prevent a negative backlash in our homes?

Mean What You Say, Without Being Mean!

Let us be encouraged to truly do what the Word of God says. To begin, let us do what we say, and say what we mean. Idle threats to a child never bring forth good fruit, see Matthew 5:37. There may be times, however unpleasant, when after the very first "no" is proclaimed, that parents must act upon their statements and discipline the child. Under the guise of ‘not being too hard on our kids,’ we tend to relent on our spoken words, as if we didn’t really mean them. The truth of the matter is that it is much harder on kids to play the game of "How far can I go before Mom/Dad blows up?" than it is for them to receive the appropriate discipline for an outright and disobedient action immediately following the incident. This is where timing is critical. Take advantage of those precious moments following a disobedient outburst—for they are precious moments. Proverbs 15:23 says, "A word spoken in due season, how good it is!" The LORD allows us to experience these times as opportunities for training and nurturing, not as times of frustration and distress.

Words of Life

Parents, be strengthened, the Word of God promises many blessings for our children when we obey it and speak forth words of life to them! For example, Proverbs 12:18 promises that a wise tongue promotes health and Proverbs 12:25 declares that a good word makes the heart happy. In addition to health and happiness, our words can also minister intelligence to our kids. Proverbs 16:21b proclaims, "Sweetness of the lips increases learning." As we diligently practice speaking words with meaning, and as we stand on what we mean, the times of correction will fall upon children who are pliable, secure, trusting and willing to learn.

So, what exactly are these "words" which make the heart happy, which increase learning, and which bring healing to the body? They are the words that bring life, the Words of the LORD. Proverbs 30:5 teaches us that the Words of Adonai are pure, they are not idle words. Adonai, our perfectly faithful, loving Abba Father, gave us guidelines on training our own children in His Word through His servant Moshe. In Deuteronomy 6:7, the LORD endows us with the key to a ‘peaceable’ home life:

"Speak of these things which I command you today (the Torah of God) when you sit in your home, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise up."

Beloved, I can assure you that the Word of the LORD is true, it is active and living, and it is being watched over by the LORD Himself that it be fulfilled. As we enact these truths of speaking into our own lives, and into the lives of our children, we will be seeking peace and pursuing it in our homes. Those sweet young spirits are so responsive to purity in word and deed, they are so pliable to the ways of Adonai, our God. As families, we will surely benefit from God’s call to us to purify our speech, to say what we mean and to bless each other through speaking out His Word in our lives…it is the truth that sets us free, that heals us and that causes our hearts to be happy.

"And may our Lord Yeshua the Messiah himself and God our Father, who has loved us and by His grace given us eternal comfort and a good hope, comfort your hearts and strengthen you in every good word and deed" (II Thessalonians 2:16-17)