Founder’s Blog

My Wife--My Life!

The church is broken, increasingly ineffective, and in some ways self-serving. As men we tend to see the broken state of the church and quietly rejoice in her brokenness because it gives us an excuse to pull back and withdraw. The cycle will continue to spiral downward until the church's complete destruction--and we, a gang of male revelers--will rejoice in its destruction ... b-e-c-a-u-s-e that means we will be free from our responsibilities as men to invest our time and our energy into something spiritual. We will be free from nurturing and building up the bride of Messiah--his church.

Our marriages are in a similar state: broken, ineffective, and self-serving. At some point our wives will disappoint us, they will not fulfill us, or may no longer be attractive to us. So, we will pull back and withdraw. Our male nature will tend to see the shortcomings of our wives and quietly rejoice that her shortfalls giving us an excuse to pull back from our love and commitment toward her. We gang of revelers are then justified in our jokes, our lusts, our sins.

You would agree that any man who thought like this about his wife is sick, his marriage is weak, and he has no hope of correcting his marriage so long as he continues on such a selfish, misguided path. But if we agree to condemn such a man, then how can we excuse ourselves if we act the same way toward the body of Messiah? Whether we want to admit it or not, the state of the bride of Messiah and the neglect of our own beloved is our own fault.

We Think Upside-Down

A man might think that a good church will foster a good family, a good family will foster a rewarding marriage, and that a rewarding marriage will fulfill me as a man. That is the wrong order--responsibility is misplaced.

The biblical order is to make the manly choice to live a godly and disciplined life, personally and passionately, in faith and purity, and then to begin to serve, nurture, value, and esteem your wife. Fostering a healthy and balanced marriage turns that marriage into the foundation of a godly home and family. That godly family is then in a place to be pillars in a church or community--strengthening the local body by serving, leading, and teaching. That is the biblical order--responsibility begins with each of us men.

Things Change

Our wives changed after giving birth. They, by their very nature, began to focus their lives around their children, nurturing and caring for them. Their bodies changed, hips irreversibly widened, fat was stored up, fatigue set in, the focal point of their lives rightly became their children. Despite these changes, we men are not to change in our behavior or expectation toward them. Our commitments to love, cherish, provide, and care for our wives should never be reflected in their actions (or lack thereof) towards us.

I think one of the most pointed statements on a man's role and responsibility in marriage is found in Ephesians. In my studies in the area of marriage I have never found a more bottom line approach to the proper behavior that a man is to have towards his wife. The powerful biblical discourse on marriage culminates with this statement, "...husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28).

Men, we are to love our wives as we love ourselves. Think how self-centered we are, and then think of the implications of reversing that to being a wife-centered man. This is exactly how we are to love them, care for them, and nurture them. "Let each one of you love his wife as himself" is even further magnified when we are told, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (Ephesians 5:25).

"My Wife--My Life!"

Throughout my marriage, one of my statements of endearment that I make towards my wife is, "My Wife--My Life!" It has become one of my ways of expressing love towards her. But this phrase is just words, and I have to make the choices and take the responsibility to make sure that my actions vividly demonstrate those words towards her.

When we parallel the selfless life that Messiah lived for his bride we can see what our proper behavior is to be towards our wife. Messiah's actions had intention, "...that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish" (Ephesians 5:26-27).

Our actions of devotion to our wives are the very tool used to enhance, esteem, and make her whole.

For Men Only

Over the next few months, I will be teaching through this blog on the attributes of love demonstrated by Messiah and then paralleling them with how we are to treat our wives. This will be a blog series for men. We will start out with the text of biblical submission; after all, the Ephesian discourse begins with the injunction for, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." I will share some principles of leadership and submission that have been helpful for my marriage over the years.

My intention with this series is to not only strengthen marriages, but also, ultimately, to see the church strengthened and made whole. That starts in the home. I have devoted my life to seeing the church embrace its connection to Israel, to understand the role and importance of Torah, and to walk as the spotless bride she was intended to be. The church gave spiritual birth to each of us. It was the vehicle which God used to bring us the Good News of Messiah, to transform our lives, to put us on the path of righteousness. I am not giving up on her nor abandoning her.

I believe that if we want to see the church changed, it must begin as men determined to strengthen our marriages, build our families, and then bring that light into the church and to affect this world.

You want to fix your marriage? Then serve her with Messiah-like love; be active and purposeful.

You want to fix the church? Then serve her with Messiah-like love; be active and purposeful.

About the Author: Boaz Michael is the President and Founder of First Fruits of Zion.