Teaching Team
The Halachah of E-Mail
Halachah comes from the root word “walk” and it is defined as how Torah is walked out. Halachah governs every area of life. I believe this even includes e-mail. Let me tell you a story.
Last week I got a feedback e-mail from the FFOZ website that I was assigned to answer. It contained a normal question about what FFOZ’s position was on a particular group. He wanted to know if they were a cult. I responded by telling him that it is getting harder and harder for me to define groups as cults especially when people say FFOZ is one. We sent back a couple of e-mails throughout the week and had a friendly discussion on Hebrew, Torah, and the early believers in Yeshua.
Then came Friday morning and I got another e-mail from him… or so I thought. As I read through the e-mail I realized it was from his brother. My heart sank and I felt ill as I read the words. The man who had been writing me took his own life the night before. I just stared at the screen.
This had a deep impact on me. I’d never been this close to a suicide. After reentering reality I began to search through all the e-mail communications with him, reading over all my replies to make sure I had been courteous and kind. Baruch HaShem, I had been.
I corresponded a bit more with the brother and assured him that he and his family would be in my prayers.
This got me thinking of the even bigger picture of e-mail communication. How often we are typing away at our keys and hitting the send button without really even knowing the person on the other end. Don’t get me wrong. I love modern technology but sometimes it falls short of a personal touch.
Often times we feel bolder and more empowered with E-mail. We can send off a scathing response to people complete with all caps sections, exclamation points, and sarcastic remarks. We can say things we’d never say in person. We’re short, curt, and stubborn. Behind the mask of e-mail we can let it fly. Consider the Proverb:
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
Was there a footnote in there that says this doesn’t apply to e-mails? We need to be equally careful about what we say in e-mails as we would in person. We need to consider the fact that on the receiving end is a person just like us that has bad days, gets upset, and feels down in the dumps. Just as in person we have a chance to damage or build up a person. Let’s use this tool wisely. The love of Messiah should reach even to our e-mails.
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Visitor Feedback:
That is very sad.
Jeremiah | August 24, 2007 3:00 PM
It is difficult to understand that sometimes the words we speak may be the last words someone hears. Excellent reminder of the true spirit of the Torah. Thanks Toby.
SDG
Scott Gerlitz | August 24, 2007 3:18 PM
Suicide really is devastating.
The collateral damage can be vast.
I recently e-mailed a "virtual acquaintance" on this very subject, writing...
I agree that I don't know you except through the words that you have used to express yourself. Likewise, that's all you know of me. Perhaps we know more about one another than either of us would like to admit. Never-the-less, we must absolutely choose our words carefully and wisely.
The Master says, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give an account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." - Matthew 12:34-37
If this is true for the words we say, then how much more so for the words we write!
Sad news.
webbmd | August 24, 2007 3:40 PM
First of all, we join you Toby, in praying for the family of this person who took his life. It is indeed a hard thing to understand.
Secondly, this is a great reminder to us. Amen!
Shalom,
Bill
Bill Beyer | August 24, 2007 5:08 PM
In my prayers recently I have felt led to ask for forgivness daily for any careless words spoken, remebering Mattew 12:36 that we will give an account for everyone. I think I might add to that "every word typed".
I am blessed by your heart that sought to communicate the truth in love...
T. Landry | August 26, 2007 8:59 AM
G-d controls life and death and for some reason He allowed it to happen. It is so reassuring that He is still in control of everything!
Rachel | August 26, 2007 9:02 AM
Thank you for a timely word. I am about to commence drafting a difficult and important email ... I shall do so with the utmost care, leaving it in the "Draft Folder" for a 24 hour "Cooling Off Period" after I have finished it to give myself time to pray and reflect on what I have written and if need be revise the text before sending the email.
Timothy | August 26, 2007 11:44 PM
This is one of the drawbacks of virtual communication--we cannot read body language...we cannot see tears welling up in someone's eyes...nor can we hear the crack in a strained voice. This presents a special challenge to those who would minister to others via email. It means that we must somehow imbed love and compassion and caring into the few words we choose. We must also be aware of the fact that we never know to whom we're speaking...is it a child...a handicapped person...a world ruler..or, as in this case, a future suicide victim? Another element of email that we must always remember is that once those words are virtually "spoken" we may never have another chance to clarify a point, or explain our hearts in a given matter. The words we communicate via email will probably remain recorded somewhere forever. Email is, in that respect, a written record that can be cold and unforgiving. In all, I think your experience is a reminder that we may be the only Yeshua that someone will ever "see," and that our words may be the last that someone will ever "hear."
D. Perry | August 27, 2007 1:44 PM
I cannot tell you how much your letter has affected me. I have tears in my eyes as I reply. I can only hope that I am reminded of this every time I speak for Him, e-mail or in person or letter. Thank you for your honesty and your love for your fellowman. You are a true example of an ambassador for Messiah. May He assure you that you are blameless in His sight. EAJ
Elizabeth Janicki | August 27, 2007 7:13 PM
Thank you for sharing this life lesson from your own life experience. It would've been easier for you to say nothing about this incident, but because of your openness and honesty, we are reminded of the importance of our words. Also, we can hold you (and this man's family) up in prayer. May the words of our mouths also be acceptable in His sight. May the Holy One continue to use you in His service.
K Schneider | August 27, 2007 8:42 PM
Toby, You have been kind to my e mail or two when I needed to vent. As an Orthodox Believer, this is one of the few places to fellowship. This is an extremely important ministry, especially to us Jewish people who have nobody to hang out with. Continue to reach out to us and be kind when we vent our opinion.
It is a great struggle to stay out of the traditional shul. Our famalies have shunned us, it is a lonely feeling. So keep up the good work, you have made a difference in my life.
David Roth/ Da'vid ben Levi
**Toby's Response: Thank you everyone for your kind words! May you all be blessed with a fruitful Elul.
David Roth | August 28, 2007 7:35 PM
What is a evil Person? Don't we all fall short one time ore the other?
****Toby's Response: Absolutely. I would say though an evil person is someone who lives a lifestyle in constant opposition to God and is way down the downward spiral such as Hitler.
Monika | August 29, 2007 4:30 PM
Thank you for the wonderful reminder. I encountered such an urge to e-vent (hmm...interesting homonym) last night when I received what I thought was a dressing down from a brother in the congregation. After considering that my scathing response would have been in the same message as previous discussion on the centrality of humility and reconciliation in the "gospel" of the Tanakh and Apostolic Writings, I felt convicted to put my wounded pride aside and reply with emphathy and understanding.
That's why I enjoy reading apostle Paul's writings. I can grasp his genuine love for the congregation to which he was writing, and that makes the rebukes contained in those writings all the more poignant. Reproof and rebuke is most effective when it comes in the context of genuine love.
Jeff Quackenbush | August 29, 2007 8:25 PM
Would like to say something to David Roth ---- I am from within a Gentile Christian family --- We live in a small town in Arkansas where Messianic is a strange word and practicing Torah a strange concept. I have not been exactly shunned --- but no one in my family really wishes to talk about Bible things with me any longer. So, I know a type of loneliness although not as deep and as complete as you. If you need someone to talk to, I would be happy be there if you need someone.
I am a 70 year old male and find much wisdom in FFOZ.
Shalom
Clinton Nauert | March 4, 2009 10:11 PM