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My husband and I are dealing with how to follow torah and still show love. We also listened to the link you provided. Our dilema is hard for us. We know what God says, but then we also are dealing with hurt feelings. My husband and I have become torah observant, but our family members (on both sides) think we have gone into bondage. My husband's mom just turned 80 this year and his two brother's wanted us all to do something special for her. They want to take her out either for a theater/dinner show or else the symphony. But it is only convient for them to go out on a Friday night or a Saturday. I suggested a Sunday, but was voted down. Now everyone, including his mom, is upset with us. We don't really know what to do. My husband is confused about respect and love for his mom, and respect and love for God. I really hate conflict, and usually try to smooth things over, and now I feel I have to step back and wait to see what direction to go. Any advice?

Rachel | July 1, 2007 10:41 AM

personally, i am not sure i agree one hundred percent. i grew up in many different christian denominations, and i can say without being unfair to them, i dont think that directionless love was problematic.

i am not disagreeing that Torah teaches us how to love. this is true.

but i think the main problem with most "disciples" today is that they dont even try to love. how many followers of Yeshua do yall know that hate those who are mean to them? i know a lot. how many seek revenge? a lot. how many are selfish? how many seek pleasure? how many care more about their family's pleasure than obeying God? and the questions can keep being asked.

i may be preaching to the choir, but from my experiences in america, there arent too many people, followers of Yeshua or not, who love their neighbor as themselves. i know i didnt even stop to think about doing so until recently. and i am still far from being loving to all.

so should Torah guide our love, yes. more importantly shoudl Torah teach us that we NEED to love, absolutely.

shalom
peter

peter | July 1, 2007 1:52 PM

"The only other thing that I have found helpful is that Biblical Love…True Love…God’s Love is obviously not what passes-off and is commonly accepted as ‘love’ in today’s secular & Godless pop-culture. Love is not intense pleasure, whatever feels good, or fleeting emotion. Nor is it political correctness, tolerance, nor avoiding hurt feelings. True Love is commitment. Biblical Love is covenant language. God’s Love is a verb, an action word. In the Divine sense, I think, Love is ‘Selfless Action.’"

Excellent thought, Crispin. I agree completely.

To Rachel.....

I have had to deal with similar situations. My advice would be to show your special love in a positive way that does not violate Torah/Sabbath observance. Rather than the scheduled event that you would not be able to attend, do something for your loved one on a different day - something you know would mean alot to her. Maybe just spending quality time with her at home listening to her reminisce. Older people love to do this and appreciate an interested listener. Prompt her memories. Maybe volunteer for yardwork or something she needs help with. If she likes to go out and do something special, you and your husband could take her out on a different night. Then she would have two big events to look forward to! There were many things I could not do with my elderly Mom, but she appreciated the things I could do with her....mostly just being there with her when she needed me.

Shalom,

Maureen (Renah)

Renah | July 2, 2007 8:10 AM

Rachel,

I don't really have any advice, but I just want to say -- you're not alone in the conflict between honoring family and obeying God. Last year, my husband and I started following Torah. Our families have adjusted to some aspects of this, but my decision to stop celebrating Christmas was like a slap in the face to them, especially to my mother. My husband still keeps Christmas for his family's sake; nevertheless, his family's reaction at my decision was essentially: "We might as well just not get together for Christmas at all." Everyone seems to take it as a personal judgment against themselves, even though I have been careful to be gentle and non-confrontational!

We all love each other and get along great, other than these types of issues. It makes me feel like a traitor and a trouble-maker, but I never had any desire to cause conflict. My blood runs cold thinking about how to handle the situation once we have kids. I, too, would appreciate any advice on handling hurt feelings and making peace in the family.

Carrie | July 2, 2007 10:07 AM

Rachel,

Others here may not agree with what I'm going to tell you but it is what I believe. The Sabbath is a special, wonderful 24 hour period that we are to avoid work and going our own way....I believe this with all my heart. I also believe that there are times when bonding with a family member/members that do not believe as I do the way they want on Shabbat is not breaking the Command. Example: My wife and children follow the Torah and recently made major changes a few years ago which severed many "seasonal celebrations". This was very hard on my sister and mom/dad. When my dad asked me to help him work at the lake house they were building (on a weekend) I did it. I felt it was a good thing for me to help my father at his request even if it was on Shabbat. I felt that rescheduling it to better suite me would put a more negative feel to what we do as Torah observant believers. It also gave me a good opportunity to talk to my dad more about what we do and why. Now he knows more about what we do and I don't have as much of a problem with telling him "No" I can't help you on this day but I can this day. I suggest you take the change a little slow with the family and you could always sugggest that they go on Saturday evening that way the Sabbath is coming to an end and your family can still go on Saturday. Once your family gets a feel for what you are doing and they start to get used to it I think they won't be too upset with making a little effort to go your way once in a while.....Shalom. -Jay

JAY | July 2, 2007 11:14 AM

I tend to agree with Jay on this one. Some people I know weigh the negative effects of commandment keeping against the positive outcome of what the violation might entail. I don't think a dinner with family would constitute as a Torah violation, even if those family members don't keep Sabbath or eat unclean.
Your family is always your family and so you have to make decisions based on the long-run outcome.
Try not to burn any bridges.

Kim | July 2, 2007 4:10 PM

Thank you for all the different ways of looking at our dilema. Sometimes we feel so isolated at this stage of our walk with God. Reading these comments made us feel more "normal" and connected! I felt a peace, as I read these comments and knew people were praying for us! God seems to have worked out the situation. My mother-in-law mentioned that she was having a hard time finding something that she wanted. I found the item for her and told her that since we still had not done something for her birthday, would she like us to buy the it for her. She said she would love it as a birthday gift! God works out things in ways we never, ever could possible imagine!

Rachel | July 5, 2007 4:06 PM